Presented by The Art Institute of Pittsburgh

Hi, I'm Rex, I'm a dinosaur and this is my blog.

Rex

Penguins, pride and poop.

Today I obliged some of the staff at AIP with a photo op to give them a chance to show off their Penguins pride on this the day of Game 2.

Here’s the group shot:

1.  Notice they brought me gifts.  A black and gold pom-pom and a Winter Classic blue hat.

I love my people.

2.  Notice my beard. Still frickin’ awesome.

3.  Notice that none of the babes are kissing me on the cheek. I’m sad by this. (Don’t tell Sally!)

Here’s me and my wrangler Norm who surreptitiously doffed his hat and holstered his tranq gun so as to appear harmless.

1.  Notice whose playoff beard is awesomer.  Hint … rawr.

2.  Notice that Norm used PhotoShop to make himself appear taller. That’s sad.

3.  Notice that I have apparently just pooped out a penguin.

I am never eating at the zoo again.

Rawr.


Rex

Teaching the humans how it’s done.

Eat your heart out Mikey and Big Bob.

Eat your heart out Mario Lemieux.

While you all are growing beards for charity, and that’s a wonderful thing because as you know, I’m a very charitable person provided you don’t steal my shoes, make fun of my arms, look at my girlfriend wrong, look at me wrong … uh.  Anyway, your beards are positively nothing but pre-pubescent chin scruff.

This, humans, is how you grow a hockey playoff beard.

You do it overnight using the sheer force of your awesomeness.  While you sit here and admire the insane potency of my machismo, I am going to see if I can use the sheer force of my awesomeness to convince Norm to find me some carcass.

Rawr.


era: Cenozoic . species: , , ,
Rex

Various Curiosities.

1. Let’s go Pens!

Have you noticed I’m growing a playoff beard?

2.  I have a sense of humor and as proof, I tell you that this list of “9 Reasons Not to Date a Tyrannosaurus Rex” gave me a chuckle (if you were downtown, maybe you felt it?), particularly reason #4.  Ignore reason #2, because it’s just not true. What is true? Carcass is delicious.

3.  Here’s a twitter update that gave me pause.

I don’t need to click on that link or speak the language to know that I’m being insulted.

fugle? sagt pip? wraaah?

Yeah? So’s your mother!

Zing.

4.  Math time! I understand Americans lag behind other countries in their math skills, so I consider it my duty to help you get mathier.

1 girlfriend named Sally +

1 ex-girlfriend named Gertie +

1 accidental meeting while Gertie is in town +

1 girlfriend unaware that ex-girlfriend existed +

1 flaring nostril * 2 +

1 underhanded insult lobbed by Gertie to Sally +

1 blatant insult lobbed by Sally to Gertie -

1 monstrous killer death lizard who knows better than to get in the way =

Dino-fight!

According to the Richter Scale, Sally won.

That’s my girl.

Rawr.


Rex

Various Curiosities

1.  Sorry that I didn’t post yesterday, but I was in mourning.

If this were twitter, that previous statement would have been hash-tagged with #STUPIDPENGUINS!

2.  Tonight, they win it in seven and they’ll do it with dominance. I’m saying 5-1.

Are you laughing at me?  We’ll see who’s laughing tonight when the next Evgeni Malkin interview goes something like, “Ah, yes, ah, love to mommy and daddy and we knowed good game and uh, we have the heart and the skating to uh, KICK THEIR STUPID BUTTS! WOO!”

Don’t let me down, Evgeni.

3.  So I was checking out AIP’s calendar and saw this was happening tonight:

05/13/2009

SPRINGTIME BOUNCE HOUSE

Springtime Bounce House and Rita’s Italian Ice from 5 to 9 p.m. in Shannon Hall

I have no idea what this is, but my goodness am I going! I can only assume they are going to have one of those giant inflatable bouncy things for us to jump in.  I hope I don’t pop this one like I destroyed the last one.  Stupid sharp pointy talons of death.

Or maybe they have a room with padded walls and a springy floor and we all get to bounce around like we’re in a mosh pit.  So many things this could be.   I’m going to find Norm and find out if I can bring Sally as my date and also to find out if they have enough Italian ice for a dinosaur.

4.  I have no clue as to what this man is doing to Barney, but please, by all means, continue.

5.  I’ve decided to take up painting during these warm summer months.  I’ll let you know how my first effort turns out as soon as Norm gets me that canvas and paints I asked for. This is an ART school, Norm. You’d think this kind of stuff would appear at the snap of a finger.

[snap]

[snap]

I’m waiting, Norm.

Also, if the Pens win tonight, try to stop yourself from just tweeting the whole alphabet at us. Use your words, Norm.

6. It is such a nice day out, I think I’ll go chase some students.

I’m kidding!

Watch your backs.

Rawr.


Rex

Twitter scrounging.

When I’m bored, which tends to happen when the foot traffic slows down on the Boulevard (Rex + no humans to scare = bored monstrous killer death lizard), I like to search around the twitterverse and see what I can find.

Today was an exceptionally good hunting day with me placing just as many people on my LOVE list as I did on my KILL AND EAT list.

First are the LOVE:

Took the words right out of my pointy teeth-filled mouth.

I HEART YOU, TOO, CALIPANTHERGRL! (Don’t tell Sally!)

Isn’t that just cute as crap!?

Wow. Quoted on twitter! I feel so famous.

Hey, that IS the sound I make when I run!

It could be, lcmcbeth. Especially if you live in Pittsburgh anywhere near “Dr.” Matt Lamanna.  He’s so fun to chase and the more speed I get going the more “booommmm shaka-laka” it gets.

Now these are the KILL AND EAT twitterers:

So original. Bravo.

He was a “LOVE” with his first tweet on the bottom there, but by the time he tweeted his last tweet at the top? KILL AND EAT!

Oh, again! Bravo! Encore!

Die.

This one is neither LOVE nor KILL AND EAT.  It’s just funny!

And finally, there’s my wrangler Norm who tweeted this immediately after Letang’s goal last night in overtime:

Wow, Norm. Your English is solid as a rock, my friend.

Rawr.


Rex

Rest easy, Mr. Sykora

Yes, Petr, there is a Santa Claus and his name is Norm and look at what Norm made for me:

Adjectives you’re currently seeking: Amazing, astounding, staggeringly handsome, Adonis-like, virile, ravishing, majestic, pulchritudinous, Rico Suave.  Circle one.

You can rest easy, Petr. I’ll not be coming for you in your sleep tonight to make you my newest life sized Penguins bobblehead and you can thank Norm for saving your scrawny butt.

Now that Norm and I have done our parts, you and the rest of you slacking Penguins (not you, Sidney. Hat trick = good), GET TO WORK AND WIN FOR THE LOVE OF GERTIE!

Rawr.


era: Cenozoic . species: , ,
Rex

My Juliet.

We’re kicking off an art installation tomorrow here at AIP’s Gallery of Art and I cannot tell you how excited I am about it.

And I’m not just saying that because Norm stood up on his tippy toes and held a tranq gun to my ankle.

This installation called “Animation B.C” is all about animation before computers came around and the star of the show is none other than Gertie the dinosaur.

I’m going to tell you something. Gertie was an actress. Gertie and I used to date.

Here she is in her most famous role:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UY40DHs9vc4[/youtube].

Gertie and I were very passionate about each other, but it just wasn’t meant to be. She was a plant eating vegetarian while I was a carnivore, feasting on any dinosaur I could get my teeth on. It made for some tense meals and eventually she was too scared to turn her back on me and I was too scared that one day I’d get just hungry enough.

My God, if you thought Romeo and Juliet were star-crossed lovers …

Also, this goes without saying because you know me by now, but, DON’T TELL SALLY!

Rawr.

Wrangler Update

The Art Institute website now has the Animation B.C. news page up.


Rex

Various Curiosities

1.  Why am I not wearing any Penguins gear?  We are halfway through the first round of playoffs and I’m standing here COMPLETELY and UTTERLY NAKED!

If this were football season, I’d at least have a dead raven or a mangled cardinal or a begging bengal in my mouth by now.

2.  Norm won’t let me tweet on twitter, but he told me that Oprah recently joined twitter.

Oprah is on twitter?!

What could she possibly have to tweet about?

Oprah Made a gazillion dollars today.

Oprah Spent a billion dollars this afternoon.

Oprah Made a trillion bamillion eleventy google dollars this hour

Oprah Living my best life.

Oprah Spent a billion dollars

Oprah Living my best life with the rainbow of fruit flavors of my chi.

I mean, really.  Some people don’t need to be on twitter.

3.  Is Barney on twitter?

I don’t want to know.

4. One of AIP’s own was profiled in the Tribune Review.  He is Barron Whited, the director of counseling.  I bet he’s the guy Norm runs to when I make him cry.

5.  Ignoring the grossly minuscule size of the arms, here’s a really wonderful t-shirt you can get from Snorg.

Rawr doesn’t really mean “I love you.”  SOMETIMES it means “I love you” and sometimes it means “I’m going to eat you.”

It’s all in the inflection.

Also, that girl is cute.

Don’t tell Sally!!

6.  Chasing a wild turkey the other day, I ran 10 miles in three minutes.  This is stellar time, so I’ve decided to run in the Pittsburgh marathon.  Which means I REALLY need to find those shoes or the person that stole the shoes. In the meantime, I’m running barefoot.  Hopefully I won’t get injured because it would be just like Norm to take me to “Dr.” Matt Lamanna for treatment, and the next thing you know I’m a poorly assembled statue of rickety bones placed in his museum for the kids to look at.

Rawr! (guess which one I mean)


Rex

If it flies away and never comes back, it got tired of the nagging.

Here’s some dinosaur news:

Paleontologists have claimed that dinosaurs may have evolved wings to woo the opposite sex, a theory which puts an end to the decades-long debate on the evolution of flight by the ancestors of modern avians.

I don’t know who these erroneous paleontologists are, but I have a feeling that one of them has a name that starts with Matt and ends with Lamanna.

Let me tell you, every dinosaur I have ever known in my life that suddenly sprouted a pair of wings, did not gain or use those wings to “woo” (who even uses that word?!) the opposite sex.  No, every dinosaur I ever knew that sprouted wings and flew away did it to GET AWAY from the opposite sex!

You’ve never heard nagging until you’ve heard a female dinosaur nag.

“These eggs aren’t going to fertilize themselves!”

“The survival of our kind is resting on your shoulders!”

“Look at this place!  A dodo bird couldn’t live in this mess!”

“When is the last time you cleaned your teeth?  Your breath is horrid and you have a pterodactyl eyeball stuck in your teeth!  God.”

“I thought I told you to stop bringing the cave children home! For the last time, I don’t believe you that they followed you and also, we have enough pets!”

Fly away, little dino.  Fly away.

(Don’t tell Sally!)

Rawr.


Rex

Rex Responds

Reader Snuffelupagus (I’m guessing that’s not his/her real name) commented on this post and wrote:

Whether “Dr.” Matt Lamanna designed that awful Godzilla-esque doll or not, I’m sure he’d be very disappointed that Rex forget to italicize Triceratops. But maybe this will answer a long-standing question for me – while it’s scientific convention to italicize the genus and species names of organisms, do the organisms themselves do so? Or even care?

To expand on that thought, sort of like in the T.S. Eliot poem, do you identify with the name that scientists have given you or do you have your own secret name for yourself?

First, no, we dinosaurs are not big on italicizing our genus and species because that’s a human rule and dinosaurs are not ruled by human rules.  We follow Dinosaur Rules.

Secondly, I love the name Tyrannosaurus Rex because it means “Tyrant Lizard” and it sounds scary and big and fascinating and teethy.  Everything that I am.

On the other hand, my friend Sophie is a Barapasaurus and boy does she hate that name because every time we say it, we burp.  Drives her crazy.

Finally, do I have a secret name for myself? Other than Rex, I don’t. But I do have a nickname for my girlfriend Sally and that is Ponn Farr.

Google it.

Rawr.