Presented by The Art Institute of Pittsburgh

Hi, I'm Rex, I'm a dinosaur and this is my blog.

Rex

Great Adventures with Rex, Leo and Leonis.

My goodness.  I take one little week off from my blog and oh, my God, the MOURNING.

The calls, the emails, the WHY, REX, WHY?!!?s.

Can’t a dino have a little life outside his famous, well-written, fantastically trafficked, future award-winning blog?

According to Norm, I can’t, and he was not too happy to discover that I had disappeared.

I’m sorry.  It’s cold here in Pittsburgh.  I’m cold-blooded.  That means however cold you are at any particular point in time, I am thousands and thousands of hundreds of millions times colder (and cooler) than you.  I’m not exaggerating.

I got sick of the cold and so I decided to find out where in the world Leo and Leonis were having their latest adventure.  And once I found out that they were still in sunny California, I headed out West.

Dear Dollar Bank, I have no idea where Leo and Leonis are.  Swear to Zeus and all the stupid caveman gods.

Anyway, we spent some time on the beaches of California surfing and being warm.  Leo and Leonis showed me around Venice Beach and I took a bus tour that visited the stars’ homes.

You can imagine my anger when I discovered that the tour only brought you to look at the OUTSIDE of the stars’ homes.  That was ridiculous because that’s like accepting money for a movie rental and then only giving the customer the box the movie came in.  “Look at the cute little chipmunks.  They sing and are adorable.  Here’s the DVD box.  Now give me four dollars and go home to imagine what the movie is like.”

I understandably got angry and maybe a bit destructive and I may or may not be wanted in California for what I did to the gate leading to Jennifer Aniston’s home.

With California conquered, we headed to Arizona for a nice dry heat and some swimming in the tallest fountain in the world.  That’s something to add to our travel scrapbooks.  Here we are enjoying the sunny day:

But how were we to know that swimming is not allowed and that the tourists would freak so far out at the sight of two lions and a dinosaur taking a cooling swim?  And how were we to know that Norm had basically put an APB out on my whereabouts?  And how were we to know how accurate a shot that fat, old security guard would be with a tranq gun?

So, I woke up back here at the Art Institute of Pittsburgh, a bit sunburned, very groggy, and POSSIBLY sporting a new tattoo.

As for Leo and Leonis, the last I saw of them, they were making a break for it, swimming like mad for the bank of the fountain pool with tranq darts branded with “Dollar Bank” sticking out of their necks.

But I’m back and I’m happy to see that it is not as cold as it was when I left.  All in all, my time out West was one of the greatest adventures of my life and that includes the time I invented Caveman Ball.

Blor’s kid Blor was NOT a very good ball.

Also, chipmunks are delicious.

Rawr.


Rex

Rex Remembers Again.

Tonight is the Portraits of the Past Gala here at AIP and yours truly is not only going to be there, daintily snacking on pterodactyl munchies (which is what I assume they serve at “galas”), but I’m also sure to be featured in some of those historical AIP photos.

For instance, here I am a few decades ago checking out the students doing sketches of each other:

aiphistory1

You can’t really tell, but in that picture, I was sitting for a portrait being sketched by a total babe.  And I wasn’t wearing any clothes.

Don’t tell Sally.  It was ART.

Here I am sneaking up on AIP’s founder (left, holding the hat):

aiphistory3

If you think his screaming was funny, you should have seen him throw that hat at me in stark terror before he realized it was me.

That was a fun day and since it was before AIP invested in a stockroom of highly powered tranq guns, I basically got away with it.

But here’s something I didn’t get away with.  Admiring the lovely ladies while they worked so hard in class:

aiphistory2

All I did was breathe a little and it shook the windows, maybe exploded a few of them and then all this crazy screaming and throwing hats and pencils and purses at me.

Excuse me for breathing, ladies!  They did eventually forgive me when I agreed to be a sketch subject for one of their classes.

Again without my clothes.  It’s the story of my life.

In honor of this event celebrating our past, I decided to dress for the occasion and I dug up some of my oldest accessories:

rex-past-wide

I can see you’re rendered absolutely speechless by the sheer magnitude of my dapper-ness, but just wait until you see me in my tuxedo tonight.

Also, completely unrelated, do you happen to know the best way to get sheep blood out of a tuxedo?

Rawr.


Rex

Mail time.

Mixed in with the adoring fan mail I receive, are letters that I feel deserve a public response, as opposed to the normally private responses I send stating, “You’re cute. Call me. Don’t tell Sally. Bring Carcass. Rawr. Rex.”

1.  Reader Sean wanted to know what I, the King of Steeler Nation, predicted for this year’s Steelers.  Here are my responses:

  • Number of James Harrison sacks: Not enough.
  • Limas Sweed’s numbers: 1 and 4.  And I bet when he does math he’s all, “Drop the 1, drop the 3, drop the …” because it’s not like he catches or carries anything.
  • Stefan Logan, greatest returner in team history or another Allen Rossum?: You mean that guy that basically handed the ball to the other team last week?  I predict he gets eaten by a dinosaur named Rex.
  • Will Jeff Reed be arrested during the season? Seriously?  That’s like asking “Will we have a cloudy, gray day in Pittsburgh this fall?” or “Will Norm tranq Rex into next Tuesday when he learns where Leo and Leonis just showed up?”  There’s a 100% chance of yes.
  • Who will lead the team in touchdowns scored? Not Willie Parker that’s for stinking sure.
  • Season prediction (please include the team record): This season will rock and the team record is “Renegade.”

That was easy.  You’re welcome, Sean.

2.  This is from reader Paul:

With you being the biggest and most ferocious Pittsburgh sports fan out there I was hoping that there is some way in which you can help out the Pittsburgh Pirates. First I thought you could give them a pep talk on how the city wants to see the Pirates succeed. Afterall look at how we have embraced the Steelers and Penguins, don’t they want to have a parade with several hundred thousand human fans and one awesome dinosaur? If that won’t work you can scare them into being being better with a ferocious RAWR and your intimidating demeanor. Maybe you can send in Jake to practice his intimidation skills, also to Norm to tranq the upper management staff into doing everything in their power to get a better team. I just want to see the Pirates do better just as much as you like eating octopus for an appetizer.

Aw. How cute.  He wants to see the Pirates do better.  First, tranquing upper management won’t do anything but make them even more dead to winning than they already are.  What they need actually is a kick in the pants and by pants I mean bum and by bum I mean wallets.  But you’re in luck, Paul!  They lost 99 games this season.  It’s not like they can do much worse. HAHAHAH!  That’s a joke.  They can totally do much worse.

3.  And finally, this from hot babe Shannon:

Rex, just wondering if you ever gave Jesus a lift?

To be honest, once when he was a kid I did let him go for a ride, but only because his asteroid-hurling Dad scares the poop out of me, so I pretty much had no choice.  I did it for the survival of my species.

You’re welcome, species!

Rawr.


Rex

Various Curiosities

1.  It begins Saturday. Red Wings. Penguins. Rematch.

Let’s break it down with Math Time with Rex: Making you Mathier

1 2008 Red Wings team

+ 1 very despicable Marian Hossa

+ Bad Karma

- God

+ The Devil

<

1 2008 Penguins team

- 1 despicable Marian Hossa

+ 1 Bill Guerin

+ God

+ Good Karma

That’s right. This year, we’re the better team.

2.  I found another great picture of my hockey-playing days for you to enjoy.

I agree with you, orange really is a great color on me. Wow.

Note the blood stains on my teeth. It goes without saying that this was an exceptionally bad day for Blor’s kid Blor.

You’re going to high-stick a monstrous killer death lizard, you’re going to get up close and personal with the hangy thing in the back of my throat.

Yes, dinos have those, too.

You learned something today!

3.  This KIND of makes me feel bad about how much I hate the Red Wings:

God help me, but I kind of love Beth, too.

Don’t tell Sally!

She’s still mad about Gertie.

4.  When I first saw these cookies being sold at the Pretzel Shop in the South Side I thought to myself, Rex, clearly these people are huge fans of yours and so much so that they have baked cookies in your image.

But then I noticed the cookies were … purple.

And then I realized maybe these are … Barney cookies?

BARNEY COOKIES?! In PITTSBURGH?! WHERE I LIVE?!  WHERE I RULE?!?

I didn’t get a chance to “speak” to the owners because I blacked out.  I suspect Norm tranqed me, but I can’t be sure since when I came to he was nowhere to be found.

So listen, if you see Norm cowering somewhere in fear mumbling, “Just sit still. Stop shaking. He’ll never look here.” Don’t disturb him. Just tell me where he is and I’ll play hide and seek and eat with him.

He loves that game.

Rawr.

 


Rex

Rex remembers

I dug up some more pictures of my hockey-playing days for you, because I like you … because you’re my friend … because we don’t talk about ME enough.

I’m a bit older than I was in the previous post in which I was playing with a bunch of violent rugrats.

Here you can see that I then played with a bunch of brutish whippersnappers:

First, notice the eye of the tiger I’ve got going on there.  That’s just full of win.

Second, notice that there are no fans in the audience. This is because I ate them.

Wow, you really need to calm down with this thinking I eat everything in sight. I’m JOKING. I didn’t eat the humans. I ate their kids.

Again, J-O-K-I-N-G.

Do you always twitch like that?

Third, yes, I agree, I do look great in blue.

Fourth, no that’s not Blor’s kid Blor. That’s Glor’s kid Glor. Again, the cavemen, not the brightest asteroids in the sky.

Fifth, that was as close as anyone from the opposing team got to the puck that day.  I’m pretty sure the score was 56 to 1.  They only managed to score when I took a snack break TO EAT EVERYONE’S PETS!

You’re twitching again.

Here’s a much older picture from when I was first learning to skate.

Can you find me? It’s like Where’s Monstrous Killer Death Lizard Rex?! I’m in there somewhere, laughing at their stupid hats.

Rawr.


Rex

My Juliet.

We’re kicking off an art installation tomorrow here at AIP’s Gallery of Art and I cannot tell you how excited I am about it.

And I’m not just saying that because Norm stood up on his tippy toes and held a tranq gun to my ankle.

This installation called “Animation B.C” is all about animation before computers came around and the star of the show is none other than Gertie the dinosaur.

I’m going to tell you something. Gertie was an actress. Gertie and I used to date.

Here she is in her most famous role:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UY40DHs9vc4[/youtube].

Gertie and I were very passionate about each other, but it just wasn’t meant to be. She was a plant eating vegetarian while I was a carnivore, feasting on any dinosaur I could get my teeth on. It made for some tense meals and eventually she was too scared to turn her back on me and I was too scared that one day I’d get just hungry enough.

My God, if you thought Romeo and Juliet were star-crossed lovers …

Also, this goes without saying because you know me by now, but, DON’T TELL SALLY!

Rawr.

Wrangler Update

The Art Institute website now has the Animation B.C. news page up.


Rex

Rex Remembers

I don’t know about you, but I don’t recall breathing from the time the Flyers scored their goal until the time Max Talbot put one in the net during last night’s Penguins game.

That was meteoric fireball intense. I would know about meteoric fireball intensity.

You might be surprised to know that I played hockey as a young lad with the cavepeople’s children in a youth league called “We can’t figure out the wheel, but we made an ice hockey rink!”

What?

Anyways, you seem skeptical. Luckily for you my mother emailed me some photos.

First, here’s me with my team.

What’s happening is that blurry kid skating away from me is CaveMan Blor’s kid Blor (cavemen are giant stupidheads in case you can’t tell) and he had just said to me, “I can’t wait until you guys go extinct!”

To which I responded, “[redacted by Norm]!”

As you can see it takes about a dozen human kids to stop me from eating Blor’s kid Blor.

Here’s me in action doing Sidney Crosby type things 65 million years before Sidney Crosby’s existence.

See that human kid #55 in front of me all crouching with his knees buckled together. That was the first time I realized I could make humans lose control of their bodily functions. That was a good day.

I’ll see if I can find more pictures from my hockey playing days to share with you soon!

Also, I’m STILL not wearing any hockey gear and it’s making me look like a bad Penguins fan. Have you seen Norm lately? Was he feverishly sewing a giant Malkin jersey while openly weeping?

Good.

Rawr.