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Hi, I'm Rex, I'm a dinosaur and this is my blog.

Rex

May the fourth be with you.

In Norm’s apartment:

Norm: What the heck are you doing?

Rex: Using the Force.

Norm: What force?

Rex: THE Force.

Norm: The — hah hah — Jedi Force?

Rex: Laugh, you do. Eat you, I will.

Norm: What are you attempting to use the Force to do, exactly, because it looks like you’re just sitting there on the couch with your eyes shut real tightly.

Rex: From you, silence. Concentrating, I am.

Norm: On what!? Oh, never mind. Move please, I think you’re sitting on my laptop.

Rex: Sitting on it, I am.

Norm: Then move!

Rex: Move, I will not.

Norm: You’ll crush it!

Rex: Yes. Crush it, I will. [opens eyes] Unless you pay me a hundred bucks.

Norm: No way.

Rex: [closes eyes] Then crush it, I will. A thousand pieces, into. A pressure slight, it will only take. Watch –

Norm: OKAY! I’ll give you a hundred bucks!

Rex: Here’s your laptop. And what do you know, the Force works.

Having discovered that I do in fact have the powers of the Jedi Force, and also having a hundred dollars to burn, I bought myself a snazzy new outfit for May 4th, also known as Star Wars Day.

What do you think?

We’re going to have a photo shoot on Tuesday, May 4th at noon if you want to come down here and get your picture taken with me looking all Jedi-awesome. I wonder if I can get the mayor to come down and visit me so I can get a chance to say, “Luke, I am your FAH-THER!”

I just realized though, that I don’t have a light saber and I’ve used all my money on my costume. Looks like I’m going to have to use the Force to get some more money out of Norm.

I wonder how much me NOT sitting on his car would be worth?

Rawr.


Rex

Dear Pittsburgh,

I came to the Google Day photo session only because I wanted to be a period at the end of the word Google or perhaps a part of the thing that hangs down from the second “g.”

You didn’t have to all go running off screaming like Godzilla was after you and the Mayor certainly didn’t need to call Norm up and Norm certainly didn’t need to set the tranq gun to “DECIMATE” before firing it at me.

It’s okay though.  I got Norm back.  I set my butt to “ANNIHILATE” before I [redacted by Norm] in his apartment.

Rawr.


Rex

Tengos any questionisimos?

It is a good thing I know so many languages, because for uno, it has helped me speak to the cute reporter babes descending on Pittsburgh from all over the Tierra.

And for dooce, it means I can be of service by offering to answer any questions any visitors might have about our fine city.

Check me out:

So far, I’ve answered questions such as, “Where is Primanti’s?” and “What is a Pittsburgh Left?” and “Didn’t I tell you you aren’t allowed to make the visitors pee their pants in fright?” and “Why are you so handsome and amazing?” and “Why did you flick my boyfriend into the river?”

I’ll let you guess which one of those came from Mayor Luke.

Rawr.


Rex

Don’t don’t don’t. Zzzzz.

Here in Pittsburgh they’re really gearing up for the G-20 summit, making sure the city looks its very very best for the leaders of the world when they come for a two-day visit in September.

Mayor Ravensthal stopped by to visit me the other day and boy, did he have a look on his face that was all business.

He stopped by to tell me that it’s important that Pittsburgh be clean and shiny for this event, as the “world … will … be … watching!”

At which point I interjected with “dum-dum-duh-duuuuuh!”

He wasn’t amused and he left me with a list of don’ts.

  • Don’t eat anything that isn’t dead, and that includes the trees. (Psst. Mayor? Me = T-Rex. Me = eat meat. Trees = plant = no blood = ptewie! Blech!)
  • Don’t moonwalk.
  • Don’t jaywalk.
  • Don’t walk.  Be a statue.  A good, non-alive statue. (Soooo ignoring this one.)
  • Don’t throw, kick, flick, or fling any human, animal, or vehicle into any of the three rivers for any reason whatsoever, I don’t care if the President of Mexico puts a sombrero on your head and force feeds you habanero peppers.   (That’s fine.  The side of a building is always a good substitute for the rivers when one is flinging humans. Also, President of Mexico, I like tequila. Just saying.)
  • Don’t yell, don’t swear, and don’t roar. (Crossing that one off, too.)
  • If you choose to yell, swear, or roar, brush your teeth first. (Offended.)
  • Don’t storm into the meetings and demand any rights for dinosaurs.  I will personally shoot you on sight.  (dum-dum-duh-duuuuuuh!)
  • Don’t leave entrails or carcass of any sort out in plain sight.
  • Don’t make anyone, and I mean ANYONE, pee their pants in fright.  (Phooey! Oh, wait. He didn’t say anything about number two. Woo!)

But seriously, I’ll be on my best behavior, Mayor.

And I’m not crossing my fingers behind my back or anything.

Wink.

Rawr.