Presented by The Art Institute of Pittsburgh

Hi, I'm Rex, I'm a dinosaur and this is my blog.

Rex

If I tweeted.

You know about twitter, right?

Twitter is awesome because you get sort of up- close and personal with famous people like John Mayer and Soleil Moon Frye. Punky Brewster in the house!

I don’t twitter because Norm is afraid of what I’d say. He gets to approve everything I write on here before it is posted, but on twitter I would be free to just go ahead and call Dorothy the Dinosaur a [redacted by Norm] with a [redacted by Norm] who always [redacted by Norm].

See? I bet Norm just took all the good stuff out again.

If we dinosaurs had had twitter when we were growing up we could have tweeted things like “the cave people just tried to make a square wheel. I’m not even kidding.” or “hey, how do you know if woolly mammoth meat has gone bad? It is okay to eat once it turns green?” or “do you guys see that giant ball of fire in the sky that’s heading this way?”

But if I did tweet on twitter, here’s what I would have twat (?):

CreationRex Lunchtime. Chasing some kids down Smithfield. They’re slow so I’m hopping on one foot to make the chase more interesting for me.

CreationRex Eating. But not the kids. They ducked into Macy’s and I get so tired of those pushy perfume salesgirls. NO I DON’T WANT TO SMELL LIKE A SUNSET!

CreationRex NOT putting whipped cream in Norm’s shoes.

CreationRex Uh oh. Sally found out about my blog. She’s not happy.

CreationRex Soleil Moon Frye is a cutie pie. Don’t tell Sally!

CreationRex Taking pictures with some tourists. They’re behaving and have promised me a treat. Hope it’s a bacon-wrapped velociraptor.

CreationRex Attention humans: An apple is NOT A TREAT!

CreationRex NOT crushing Dr. Matt Lamanna’s car like a hadrosaur pancake.

CreationRex Picking windshield glass shards out of my foot.

CreationRex Heard Norm is looking for me. Have you seen him? Does he look mad? Is there whipped cream oozing out of his shoes? I don’t know anything about that.

CreationRex Eating noms. And yes, by “noms” I mean “kittehs”. Yum.

CreationRex Calm down. I didn’t really eat a kitten. Today.

Rawr.


Rex

Various Curiosities.

It’s Monday and cold here in Pittsburgh. So cold that we actually got some snow last night. And it’s Spring. And practically April.

Oh, you humans and your big global warming joke. Ha-ha. Funny.

1.  Pitt, it would appear, is NOT it.

Grrrawr.

2. Norm emailed me this link saying, “Check this guy out.”  So I checked out the site written by some male human named Cotter and found this:

I’d really like to be the guy who writes this blog. If anyone knows how to make that happen, please let me know [Creation Rex]

Mistah Cotter (har), I understand why you would want to be a dinosaur, but why in the world would AIP ask a mere human being to write their dinosaur’s blog?  You write your human blog and I’ll write my dinosaur blog and no one gets eaten or stomped, deal?

3.  Reader CopySix linked me to this story out of England:

This is the moment a group of students tried to abduct a giant model dinosaur from a museum as a drunken prank.

The young men had been out celebrating the end of their course when they walked past the life-size monster.

Deciding to relocate it in the middle of a roundabout as a joke, they set about lifting the 20ft long and 10ft tall plastic triceratops.

It took ten of them carry the giant model over an iron gate outside the Dinosaur Museum in Dorchester, Dorset.

But just as they carried it off above their heads into the night, they were stopped in their tracks by a policeman.

My God.  I have friends that are Triceratops and when they are mad, they aim low. How drunk does one need to be to not care about what a Triceratops’ horn can do to your posterior? Trust me. I’ve seen it. It is exactly as gruesome as you’re imagining a triceratops horn to the posterior to be.

Incidentally, I once tried to date a Triceratops (don’t tell Sally), but let me tell you. Horns. They get in the way.

Also:

The museum’s website says the models ‘beg to be touched by little hands – and that is encouraged.

I realize you have been alive less than my 65 million years, so I don’t mind educating you about this. Life Lesson by Rex: Encouraging kids to manhandle a dinosaur is poor parenting.

My final note. If you guys ever try to steal me, I will be picking Burgher meat from my teeth for weeks.

3.  Okay/Not Okay

Our category today is animated dinosaur toys.

This one is okay:

Not okay:

I don’t know what the heck kind of dinosaur that “Rex” is supposed to be, but I know that T-Rexes don’t have green leaves growing out of their spines. God. I bet “Dr.” Matt Lamanna designed this thing.

4.  Hee. What? Like you wouldn’t kill Barney if given the chance.

Rawr.


Rex

Various curiosities.

First off, so sorry for not posting anything yesterday.  I thought I had a reading on the whereabouts of “Dr.” Matt Lamanna so that I could, ah, never mind.

He’s still alive, okay?

Lots to talk about today here in rainy, but not cold Pittsburgh:

1.  PITT!!

I don’t know where you’ll be tonight, but I’ll be glued to the television watching Pitt demolish Xavier and that traitor Sean Miller.  Forgive me for not wearing my Pitt is It! shirt, but apparently my handler/wrangler Norm has better things to do than show his support for our local universities.  I mean, I get that this is AIP and that I represent AIP … oh, I get it.  Never mind.  Don’t send me a nasty email, Norm.

2.  The local mayoral election is getting fired up now with debates between the candidates being scheduled.  I must say I find your “elections” with your “voting” and “civilized transfer of power” to be quite amusing.  Seems to me the dinosaur way is best: whoever doesn’t get eaten, wins.

But since you’re all civilized and stuff now, I have got to wonder, like Calvin, where do the candidates stand on dinosaur issues?

I speak on behalf of all dinosaurs when I say that we’d like bigger french fries, bigger urinals, stronger pavement, and the eradication of scary scary clowns.

3.  The Pittsburgh Penguins are winning the Stanley Cup this year.  I feel it in my bones and my bones are rarely wrong.  Like that time that asteroid was coming at us and all the other dinosaurs were looking at it saying, “Oooooh.  Pretty.”  but I had a bad feeling and I went and hid in the mountain cave.  Thank you, bones.

If they do win, I better be outfitted in some serious hockey gear for the parade, do you hear me, Norm?  I want a helmet and a giant stick and a Malkin jersey in XXXXXXXXXL and a puck bunny on my arm.  Don’t tell Sally.

4.  Here’s a quote from an article I found this morning while reading my Post-Gazette (also, mayoral candidates, we dinosaurs would like larger newspapers):

Tyrannosaurus rex, a meat eater and the most famous of the dinosaurs (emphasis mine because it makes me feel good), was about 35 feet long. Figures for the longest and tallest are expected to change with ongoing finds in the Southern Hemisphere.

Yeah, if they ever find my friend Andrew C. they are going to be astounded.  Andy could crush fifty hadrosaurs with one foot.  Also, have you ever had a hadrosaur pancake in your life?  Delicious.

I miss Andy’s “cooking.”

5.  Finally, Norm wanted me to mention this event coming up here at AIP on Saturday:  Sketchy Jr.

This is a chance for students in grades 8-12 to draw to a live DJ and win prizes and stuff.  Norm tells me that models dressed as video game divas will be here.

He said something else, too, but I stopped listening after “models dressed as video game divas.”

Rawr.


Rex

Rex Responds. Volume I.

Since I started my blog last week, I’ve begun to receive some lovely email from readers like you, and I wanted to start off this brisk Burgh day with a peek at some of those emails.

First up, a kind email and a question from reader DC:

I would like to say welcome to the 21 century.
You have been a great land mark/mascot for The Art Institute for these past year.
I would like to know what you would like to ware? Yes they dress you up in weird outfit’s but you need to have a say in it.
You should ask the people who read your blog on what they think of your ideas.

Thoughts:

1.  What I would like to wear?  Hmm.  In the winter, the fur of a woolly mammoth would do nicely to keep the chill out, but I bet PETA would have a problem with that and I’d probably wake up one day with my coat covered in red paint, or maybe some naked protesters ringed around me.  You know what?  I changed my mind.  I do want a woolly mammoth coat.

In the summer, I prefer to go naked.  Air out that which creation gave me.

2.  I wish I had a say in what I wear, but I don’t.  All I can do is stomp and shout about it when I wake up and see what they’ve done to me.  I will say this though, if I even SMELL bunny ears come Easter I will get very teethy about it.

3.  Ask readers what they think about my ideas?  I’m 65 million years wise, I have large teeth and I’m capable of crushing people with my big toe.  I can’t imagine they don’t agree with every single idea I have ever had or ever will have.  It’s called survival instinct, if I’m not mistaken.

This from reader Lisa:

Who is behind this? I’m an AIP alumni. Did Norm do this? Is it Norm!?

I demand to know.

1.  Look at the human, being all demanding of the dinosaur.

2.  What do you mean “who is behind this?”  Do you not see the title of the blog?  My picture up there?  I am behind it.  Do I visit your MyBook or your FacePage and look at your picture and send you an email asking, “Who is behind this?  I demand to know?!”  No, I don’t, Lisa.  I don’t.

3.  Norm?  Norm is my handler.  He likes to refer to himself as my “wrangler” because he occasionally gets to tranq me when I get out of hand and attempt to hunt down and crush “Dr.” Matt Lamanna.

Come on.

The dinosaur expert being done in by a dinosaur?  It’s poetic.

Rawr.


Rex

Poo!

Good morning, kids!

What a weekend.  Stick around because I’m going to be posting a photographic recap of the city’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade.

Before I get to that though, did you see this story out of London?!

THIEVES stole a lump of fossilised dinosaur dung from London’s Natural History Museum, it was revealed today.

According to a list of specimens stolen or lost from the museum’s collection over the past five years, the 65-million-year-old piece of dung, or coprolite, measuring about 7.5cm, was stolen while it was secured in a clamp on display in 2006.

First, it is just an odd coincidence, I assure you, that the poop is the same age as me.

Second, I know nothing about the flaming bag of dinosaur poo burning on “Dr.” Matt Lamanna’s porch.

Rawr.
[print_link]


Rex

Perfect Specimen

So this guy walks up to me last week, looks me up and looks me down .  Scowls.  Then up and down again.  I can see the gears moving in his tiny brain.  He starts muttering something about me not being “scientifically accurate” or something.  Starts pointing out my flaws like somebody said, “Look at that dinosaur.  Please list his flaws.”

“His arms are too big, his head is out of proportion with his body, he has an incorrect number of teeth, and he is about 35 feet too short and six tons too light.  Also, he should be in Utah.”

Come to find out later it was Matt Lamanna from the Carnegie Museum of Natural History and he’s supposed to be some kind of “dinosaur expert.”

This is me, holding up two clawed hands to make a big fat W.  Whatever!  I am a work of art.  A specimen, if you will.  I am perfect just as I am no matter what the dude with seven PhDs will tell you or publish in a scientific journal.

Rawr.


era: Cenozoic . species: