Presented by The Art Institute of Pittsburgh

Hi, I'm Rex, I'm a dinosaur and this is my blog.

Rex

Hot diggity!

Norm sent me an email:

Dear Monstrous Killer Death Lizard Rex,

As an expert wrangler, I spent the better part of the day yesterday chasing down a snack for you.

Enjoy.

Your wrangler,

Norm

Despite his penchant for tranqing me for no good reason (sometimes, things need to be stomped, Norm. It’s the law of nature.) and despite his penchant for dressing me so ridiculously it makes my eyes roll back in my head, sometimes Norm is awesome.

Look what he caught for me!

I’m going to set this thing free full-speed down the Boulevard and then pretend it is a fleeing and weeping velociraptor. I relish the chase.

Hey! Norm, where’s the relish?

RAWR!


Rex

[ptewie!]

Good morning, children!

How are you today, my dear Art Institute of Pittsburgh students and downtown workers?

Are we having a good day?

Isn’t the weather lovely?

Are we excited for the marathon this weekend that I’ll be winning with an hour to spare even though I’ve been training without my shoes?

Now that the chitchat is out of the way, let’s make this easy and you guys tell me which one of you shoved the library’s copy of the Wall Street Journal in my mouth this morning while I was still sleeping.

Sometimes you humans have no respect for the incredible destruction I could rain down on your toothpick-like bones.

If you’re going to put something in my mouth while I’m sleeping can I recommend you place a meat of some sort? A scutellosaurus would be perfect. Or Matt Lamanna’s car. Or the unconscious body of whoever STOLE MY RUNNING SHOES!

Rawr.


Rex

Various Curiosities

1.  Oh, Penguins.

Grrrrr.

2. Oh, FSN and The Great Outage of 2009 During Which Pens Fans All Over Pittsburgh Came Close To Descending On FSN Headquarters While Moaning BRAINS. BRAIIIIIIINS.

Hisssssss.

3.  In comments to my post about the students being do-gooders this week, two people commented wanting to remind you students to complete your FAFSAs because you only have until next week to do it and if you don’t do it, you can kiss your financial aid money goodbye.

Then I imagine it will be like that Geico commercial where everywhere you turn there will be a pile of cash with eyeballs on it and someone will say to you, “Oh, that? That’s just the money you could have had if you had BOTHERED TO FILL OUT THE FAFSA!”

Do it, because I told you to. Because I care about you. Because I will bite you if you don’t.

See what you did? You made me resort to violence.  I abhor violence.

What?

4.  My marathon training is really going great with me running 26 miles in an hour yesterday. I would have gotten a better time if I didn’t swing by the Carnegie Museum to … uh …

Never mind.  I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING, NORM!

5. Why Calvin should be in charge of everything forever and ever.

I accept.

6.  If the giant T-Rex skeleton at the Carnegie crumbles to the ground this weekend, I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Rawr.


Rex

Odd.

Do you ever have that feeling that you’re being followed?

I can’t put my finger on it, but something is different today.

Rawr.


Rex

Do gooders

Sorry no posting yesterday. I was busy helping the kids out with AIP’s Week of Service which runs through to Saturday. This is a whole week where the students are busy not only with school but also with helping out with volunteer projects. Yesterday we were collecting supplies for Light of Life. I got kicked out because too many donors would spot me, get all scaredy-cat and just hurl the supplies at us and run away screaming. Like I’m going to attack while I’M DOING CHARITY WORK!

The students are also designing cards for the kids at the Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh to give to their parents. How nice is that?

In recognition of the students’ hard work in helping others, I’ve decided to be generous and kind this week and will give them an entire minute head start before I start chasing them down the Boulevard of the Allies.

I know. Magnanimous is the word you’re looking for.

Rawr.


Rex

Various Curiosities

1.  Why am I not wearing any Penguins gear?  We are halfway through the first round of playoffs and I’m standing here COMPLETELY and UTTERLY NAKED!

If this were football season, I’d at least have a dead raven or a mangled cardinal or a begging bengal in my mouth by now.

2.  Norm won’t let me tweet on twitter, but he told me that Oprah recently joined twitter.

Oprah is on twitter?!

What could she possibly have to tweet about?

Oprah Made a gazillion dollars today.

Oprah Spent a billion dollars this afternoon.

Oprah Made a trillion bamillion eleventy google dollars this hour

Oprah Living my best life.

Oprah Spent a billion dollars

Oprah Living my best life with the rainbow of fruit flavors of my chi.

I mean, really.  Some people don’t need to be on twitter.

3.  Is Barney on twitter?

I don’t want to know.

4. One of AIP’s own was profiled in the Tribune Review.  He is Barron Whited, the director of counseling.  I bet he’s the guy Norm runs to when I make him cry.

5.  Ignoring the grossly minuscule size of the arms, here’s a really wonderful t-shirt you can get from Snorg.

Rawr doesn’t really mean “I love you.”  SOMETIMES it means “I love you” and sometimes it means “I’m going to eat you.”

It’s all in the inflection.

Also, that girl is cute.

Don’t tell Sally!!

6.  Chasing a wild turkey the other day, I ran 10 miles in three minutes.  This is stellar time, so I’ve decided to run in the Pittsburgh marathon.  Which means I REALLY need to find those shoes or the person that stole the shoes. In the meantime, I’m running barefoot.  Hopefully I won’t get injured because it would be just like Norm to take me to “Dr.” Matt Lamanna for treatment, and the next thing you know I’m a poorly assembled statue of rickety bones placed in his museum for the kids to look at.

Rawr! (guess which one I mean)


Rex

Lost.

I went to go for a run today (NOT TO CHASE AND EAT ANYTHING, NORM! Just a run. A nice jog down the street in the sunshine, you paranoid [redacted by Norm]) to keep my heart strong and healthy. You don’t get to live to be 65-million-years-old by not taking care of yourself.

Ten square meals a day consisting of the five food groups (meat, meat, meat, meat and MEAT!) and a good jog, preferably after some fleeing meat, is my secret, if you’re wondering.

However, when I went to look for my running shoes this morning, they were missing.

I can’t imagine who would be brave enough to steal a dinosaur’s shoes, because that goes against the human being’s survival instinct. Therefore, I must assume that I misplaced them.

I’ve looked everywhere. Sally hasn’t seen them and gave me a huge lecture about keeping track of my own [redacted by Norm], a lecture so intense I tried to sprout wings and fly.

I thoroughly trashed Norm’s place and they’re not there.

Here’s a picture taken from my slide show.

Let me know if you see them. Or if you took them … I’ll give you a ten-second head start before I give chase, you succulent piece of meat.

Rawr.


Rex

In remembrance of Norm.

Remember that thing I said about Easter coming up and that if I even smelled bunny ears I was going to get teethy about it?

And remember how Norm is my handler who gets to pick my holiday costumes?

And remember how Norm has a tranq gun?

And remember how I really really really really didn’t want bunny ears?

I woke up today and I’m sporting some bunny ears.  How about that?

rex-easter09

Hey, remember Norm?

I hope you do, because you may never see that guy again, at least not after you see him running down the Boulevard of the Allies screaming in terror and blindly firing tranq darts at the roaring mad tyrannosaurus rex that’s hot on his heels with giant teeth a-snapping and giant bunny ears a-flopping.

Rawr.

[Wrangler Responds]

Rex, I just wanted to let you know your mom sent me an email this afternoon. She’s wanted to let me know she is happy you are doing so well in the big city (and to say you should call more often). Anyway she also wrote in to tell me how happy she is to see you looking so cute, and that you used to look sooo cute when you were just a hatchling. Because your mom is so great she forwarded me this photo. Happy Easter!

baby-bunny


Rex

If I tweeted.

You know about twitter, right?

Twitter is awesome because you get sort of up- close and personal with famous people like John Mayer and Soleil Moon Frye. Punky Brewster in the house!

I don’t twitter because Norm is afraid of what I’d say. He gets to approve everything I write on here before it is posted, but on twitter I would be free to just go ahead and call Dorothy the Dinosaur a [redacted by Norm] with a [redacted by Norm] who always [redacted by Norm].

See? I bet Norm just took all the good stuff out again.

If we dinosaurs had had twitter when we were growing up we could have tweeted things like “the cave people just tried to make a square wheel. I’m not even kidding.” or “hey, how do you know if woolly mammoth meat has gone bad? It is okay to eat once it turns green?” or “do you guys see that giant ball of fire in the sky that’s heading this way?”

But if I did tweet on twitter, here’s what I would have twat (?):

CreationRex Lunchtime. Chasing some kids down Smithfield. They’re slow so I’m hopping on one foot to make the chase more interesting for me.

CreationRex Eating. But not the kids. They ducked into Macy’s and I get so tired of those pushy perfume salesgirls. NO I DON’T WANT TO SMELL LIKE A SUNSET!

CreationRex NOT putting whipped cream in Norm’s shoes.

CreationRex Uh oh. Sally found out about my blog. She’s not happy.

CreationRex Soleil Moon Frye is a cutie pie. Don’t tell Sally!

CreationRex Taking pictures with some tourists. They’re behaving and have promised me a treat. Hope it’s a bacon-wrapped velociraptor.

CreationRex Attention humans: An apple is NOT A TREAT!

CreationRex NOT crushing Dr. Matt Lamanna’s car like a hadrosaur pancake.

CreationRex Picking windshield glass shards out of my foot.

CreationRex Heard Norm is looking for me. Have you seen him? Does he look mad? Is there whipped cream oozing out of his shoes? I don’t know anything about that.

CreationRex Eating noms. And yes, by “noms” I mean “kittehs”. Yum.

CreationRex Calm down. I didn’t really eat a kitten. Today.

Rawr.


Rex

Colored pencils?!?! EEK!

Today is April Fools Day, so of course I’ve been spending this beautiful day doing two things, avoiding the RickRoll and chasing the art students down the Boulevard of the Allies every chance I can.  Not only do they scare easily, as I have mentioned previously, but you should see how hilarious it is when they start throwing art supplies at me in a desperate attempt to slow me down.  Oooooh, a fistful of colored pencils!  SCARY!

I usually stop chasing them once I smell the pee.

Kids.  So cute.

So, I saw this headline today:

“The way of the dinosaur”?  What does that mean?  That newspapers are going to become bigger?  That newspapers are going to start stomping bad guys?  That newspapers are going to get smarter and more fascinating?  That newspapers are going to start chasing art students down the block until they pee their pants?

I bet that headline was an April Fool’s joke.   Only explanation.

I’d love to write more today, but as you can see by this awesome photo I just took, I have spied a group of art students heading for the exit.  And they look slow.

Rawr.

P.S.  You’ve just been RexRolled.