Tonight is the Portraits of the Past Gala here at AIP and yours truly is not only going to be there, daintily snacking on pterodactyl munchies (which is what I assume they serve at “galas”), but I’m also sure to be featured in some of those historical AIP photos.
For instance, here I am a few decades ago checking out the students doing sketches of each other:
You can’t really tell, but in that picture, I was sitting for a portrait being sketched by a total babe. And I wasn’t wearing any clothes.
Don’t tell Sally. It was ART.
Here I am sneaking up on AIP’s founder (left, holding the hat):
If you think his screaming was funny, you should have seen him throw that hat at me in stark terror before he realized it was me.
That was a fun day and since it was before AIP invested in a stockroom of highly powered tranq guns, I basically got away with it.
But here’s something I didn’t get away with. Admiring the lovely ladies while they worked so hard in class:
All I did was breathe a little and it shook the windows, maybe exploded a few of them and then all this crazy screaming and throwing hats and pencils and purses at me.
Excuse me for breathing, ladies! They did eventually forgive me when I agreed to be a sketch subject for one of their classes.
Again without my clothes. It’s the story of my life.
In honor of this event celebrating our past, I decided to dress for the occasion and I dug up some of my oldest accessories:
I can see you’re rendered absolutely speechless by the sheer magnitude of my dapper-ness, but just wait until you see me in my tuxedo tonight.
Also, completely unrelated, do you happen to know the best way to get sheep blood out of a tuxedo?