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Hi, I'm Rex, I'm a dinosaur and this is my blog.

Rex

Doing … and not doing.

Things I am doing this weekend:

1. Seeing as today is New Student Orientation at AIP, I’ll be spending the start of this weekend teaching a whole batch of new students all of the ways they should avoid ticking off AIP’s monstrous killer death lizard. First lesson … DON’T STEAL MY STUFF!

2.  Going through my 672 vacation photos to pick the cream of the crop to show you. Prepare to be blown the heck away.  When Rex vacations, HE VACATIONS!

3.  Taking Jake to Sandcastle Water Park. This is going to be very interesting.  I’m imagining lots of running and terrified screaming. Can’t wait.

4.  Teaching Norm some math. He’s not very mathy. I think I’ll start with the most basic of equations.

Rex + <30 lbs of carcass per week = Norm + bruises + bleeding ouchies

This I am NOT doing this weekend. No sir. Not doing ‘em.

1. Dismantling and correctly rearranging the T-Rex versus T-Rex display at the Carnegie because “Dr.” Matt Lamanna is a dinosaur dummie.  Not doing that.

2.  Stealing the Stanley Cup. Definitely not doing that. No sir.

3.  Hunting down whoever submitted this as a design for a Woot! shirt and sic-ing angry chickens on her.

4.  Seeking a tech expert to help me disengage the web-cameras at the T-Rex versus T-Rex display. Don’t need that. Don’t email me at rex@normanhuelsman.com/creationrex if you know anyone that could do that for me. I won’t respond. No sir.

Rawr.


Rex

Various Curiosities

1. Mwah-hahaha!  Mwah-haha!  Mwah-ha!

Hah-ha!

Heh.

[cough]

I’m not up to anything at all, why do you ask?

Wink.

2.  I’m still going through my vacation photos to pick the best ones to share with you.  I especially like the ones of me going over the Niagara Falls.

Just you wait.

3.  Pittsburgh’s PrideFest was held last month and I found this picture in my inbox.

First: Fuscia is another color I look awesome in. Second: What about DINOSAUR rights?

I’d like the right to marry Sally, vote in the mayoral election, and skinny dip in the Mon without the humans getting all up in my face about the waves washing their cars off the wharf.

4. AIP’s website got a new visual look, but the most important thing you should note: I’m on the front page now!

5.  Two things on twitter:

That links takes you to this post.  Note the text on top of the box: “Your very own ‘real’ baby dino.”  Good thing they put the word real in quote marks because that deformed ball of green fluff would absolutely be mistaken for a real baby dinosaur.  If you’ve never seen a giant monstrous killer death lizard roll its eyes, you’re missing quite a show here.

6. Also this:

Aw. Norm missed me. And don’t be fooled by the “kind of” nonsense because I heard from Sally that when she dropped by Norm’s one day while I was on vacation, she found him huddled on the floor in the fetal position, cradling his tranq gun in his arms while moaning, “I miss my best friend!”

Which is great because then maybe he won’t feel the need to tranq me once I do that sneaky mwah-haha thing I’m not really going to do.

Totally going to behave myself and not steal the Stanley Cup. Wink.

Rawr.


Rex

Smoooooth.

Can I just tell you how good it felt to shave my playoff beard once I tracked down a machete sharp enough to cut through the thick macho mass?

Here I am looking clean-shaven and as you can see, very very smart.

funny pictures
Graduation is set for Friday and the keynote speaker is Mayor Fetterman from Braddock.  He’s going to give me a shout-out in his speech.  I just know it, because I’m getting my 477th college degree and I’ve already got the silly hat to prove it.

One of those 477 degrees was a Bachelor of Arts in Stupid B.C.  Yes, I once learned the language of the cave people, but I’ve lost most of it now.  All I can say in Stupid B.C. these days is “meeka shoooka poobin reeree kaka foo” which roughly translates to “I eat you now, stupidface.”

Rawr.


Rex

Sweeping up after the Scattered Showers

No, I’m not doing chores, regardless of how many times Norm and Sally have asked me to clean up after myself.

I asked Norm to get me a broom to celebrate the Penguins’ recent sweep of the Carolina Hurricanes.

Or as I call them, the Carolina Scattered Showers.  Poor inconsistent, random, isolated Scattered Showers.

Did you notice that Sidney Crosby and other Penguins touched the Prince of Wales Trophy when that is considered to be bad luck? It is interesting to note that your friend Rex had a role in the origin of that superstition.  You see way way way … WAY back when I played hockey, my team did not win the Prince of Wales Trophy and as they presented the trophy to the captain of the winning team, Blor’s kid Blor … well, I lost it.  I couldn’t stand to see him touching the trophy, so I chomped him good and he never skated again.

Thus, kids, it became known that it is really bad luck to touch the Prince of Wales Trophy.  You could get chomped.

But moving on, bring on the Red Wings. Bring on Marian Hossa (mostly so I can eat him). Bring on their giant smelly octopi. Bring it all. The Penguins will have an answer.

You’ll also notice from the above picture a few other things:

1. Playoff beard, still awesome.

2.  Me, still handsome.

3.  Background, we’re getting ready for graduation here at AIP.  Doesn’t it appear that two of those arms belong to a person trying to grab my tail, or worse yet, grab my butt?

Wow. Both of those are really really bad ideas.

Rawr.


Rex

Various Curiosities

1.  Sorry that I didn’t post yesterday, but I was in mourning.

If this were twitter, that previous statement would have been hash-tagged with #STUPIDPENGUINS!

2.  Tonight, they win it in seven and they’ll do it with dominance. I’m saying 5-1.

Are you laughing at me?  We’ll see who’s laughing tonight when the next Evgeni Malkin interview goes something like, “Ah, yes, ah, love to mommy and daddy and we knowed good game and uh, we have the heart and the skating to uh, KICK THEIR STUPID BUTTS! WOO!”

Don’t let me down, Evgeni.

3.  So I was checking out AIP’s calendar and saw this was happening tonight:

05/13/2009

SPRINGTIME BOUNCE HOUSE

Springtime Bounce House and Rita’s Italian Ice from 5 to 9 p.m. in Shannon Hall

I have no idea what this is, but my goodness am I going! I can only assume they are going to have one of those giant inflatable bouncy things for us to jump in.  I hope I don’t pop this one like I destroyed the last one.  Stupid sharp pointy talons of death.

Or maybe they have a room with padded walls and a springy floor and we all get to bounce around like we’re in a mosh pit.  So many things this could be.   I’m going to find Norm and find out if I can bring Sally as my date and also to find out if they have enough Italian ice for a dinosaur.

4.  I have no clue as to what this man is doing to Barney, but please, by all means, continue.

5.  I’ve decided to take up painting during these warm summer months.  I’ll let you know how my first effort turns out as soon as Norm gets me that canvas and paints I asked for. This is an ART school, Norm. You’d think this kind of stuff would appear at the snap of a finger.

[snap]

[snap]

I’m waiting, Norm.

Also, if the Pens win tonight, try to stop yourself from just tweeting the whole alphabet at us. Use your words, Norm.

6. It is such a nice day out, I think I’ll go chase some students.

I’m kidding!

Watch your backs.

Rawr.


Rex

My Juliet.

We’re kicking off an art installation tomorrow here at AIP’s Gallery of Art and I cannot tell you how excited I am about it.

And I’m not just saying that because Norm stood up on his tippy toes and held a tranq gun to my ankle.

This installation called “Animation B.C” is all about animation before computers came around and the star of the show is none other than Gertie the dinosaur.

I’m going to tell you something. Gertie was an actress. Gertie and I used to date.

Here she is in her most famous role:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UY40DHs9vc4[/youtube].

Gertie and I were very passionate about each other, but it just wasn’t meant to be. She was a plant eating vegetarian while I was a carnivore, feasting on any dinosaur I could get my teeth on. It made for some tense meals and eventually she was too scared to turn her back on me and I was too scared that one day I’d get just hungry enough.

My God, if you thought Romeo and Juliet were star-crossed lovers …

Also, this goes without saying because you know me by now, but, DON’T TELL SALLY!

Rawr.

Wrangler Update

The Art Institute website now has the Animation B.C. news page up.


Rex

Do gooders

Sorry no posting yesterday. I was busy helping the kids out with AIP’s Week of Service which runs through to Saturday. This is a whole week where the students are busy not only with school but also with helping out with volunteer projects. Yesterday we were collecting supplies for Light of Life. I got kicked out because too many donors would spot me, get all scaredy-cat and just hurl the supplies at us and run away screaming. Like I’m going to attack while I’M DOING CHARITY WORK!

The students are also designing cards for the kids at the Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh to give to their parents. How nice is that?

In recognition of the students’ hard work in helping others, I’ve decided to be generous and kind this week and will give them an entire minute head start before I start chasing them down the Boulevard of the Allies.

I know. Magnanimous is the word you’re looking for.

Rawr.


Rex

Various curiosities.

First off, so sorry for not posting anything yesterday.  I thought I had a reading on the whereabouts of “Dr.” Matt Lamanna so that I could, ah, never mind.

He’s still alive, okay?

Lots to talk about today here in rainy, but not cold Pittsburgh:

1.  PITT!!

I don’t know where you’ll be tonight, but I’ll be glued to the television watching Pitt demolish Xavier and that traitor Sean Miller.  Forgive me for not wearing my Pitt is It! shirt, but apparently my handler/wrangler Norm has better things to do than show his support for our local universities.  I mean, I get that this is AIP and that I represent AIP … oh, I get it.  Never mind.  Don’t send me a nasty email, Norm.

2.  The local mayoral election is getting fired up now with debates between the candidates being scheduled.  I must say I find your “elections” with your “voting” and “civilized transfer of power” to be quite amusing.  Seems to me the dinosaur way is best: whoever doesn’t get eaten, wins.

But since you’re all civilized and stuff now, I have got to wonder, like Calvin, where do the candidates stand on dinosaur issues?

I speak on behalf of all dinosaurs when I say that we’d like bigger french fries, bigger urinals, stronger pavement, and the eradication of scary scary clowns.

3.  The Pittsburgh Penguins are winning the Stanley Cup this year.  I feel it in my bones and my bones are rarely wrong.  Like that time that asteroid was coming at us and all the other dinosaurs were looking at it saying, “Oooooh.  Pretty.”  but I had a bad feeling and I went and hid in the mountain cave.  Thank you, bones.

If they do win, I better be outfitted in some serious hockey gear for the parade, do you hear me, Norm?  I want a helmet and a giant stick and a Malkin jersey in XXXXXXXXXL and a puck bunny on my arm.  Don’t tell Sally.

4.  Here’s a quote from an article I found this morning while reading my Post-Gazette (also, mayoral candidates, we dinosaurs would like larger newspapers):

Tyrannosaurus rex, a meat eater and the most famous of the dinosaurs (emphasis mine because it makes me feel good), was about 35 feet long. Figures for the longest and tallest are expected to change with ongoing finds in the Southern Hemisphere.

Yeah, if they ever find my friend Andrew C. they are going to be astounded.  Andy could crush fifty hadrosaurs with one foot.  Also, have you ever had a hadrosaur pancake in your life?  Delicious.

I miss Andy’s “cooking.”

5.  Finally, Norm wanted me to mention this event coming up here at AIP on Saturday:  Sketchy Jr.

This is a chance for students in grades 8-12 to draw to a live DJ and win prizes and stuff.  Norm tells me that models dressed as video game divas will be here.

He said something else, too, but I stopped listening after “models dressed as video game divas.”

Rawr.