June 29, 2010 |
I don’t know what country this is from or what language it’s in, but someone needs to tell the humans that dinosaurs eat them, not the other the way around.
Gee, I wonder what recipe one would follow to cook that up? I bet it goes like this:
Buy dinosaur meat. Preheat oven to 800 degrees. Open dinosaur meat. Sit and wait for certain death when that dinosaur’s mama comes and swallows you whole. Be digested alive.
Now, on the other hand, the recipe for this:
Would go something like this:
Steal 97.80 of whatever that currency is from Norm’s bank account (no, Norm, of course I don’t not have the numbers), purchase sabertooth meat, open sabertooth meat, devour sabertooth meat raw, use saber’s tooth as a toothpick, get tranqued with triple the necessary juice for pilfering Norm’s bank account for which of course I don’t not have the numbers. Lose three days.
June 23, 2010 |
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I’ve been very quiet for almost two weeks now and that’s because I’m up to something — hunting wabbits.
Just kidding. Like I would hunt rabbits. Those little hoppers wouldn’t satisfy my appetite unless I had about twenty dozen of them, buttered up like popcorn, which incidentally butter-drizzled rabbits are my favorite movie snack.
As I was saying, I’ve been up to something very … Canadian. I’ll fill you in someday when I can be sure I won’t be arrested for sharing it.
In the meantime … I don’t know anything about this:
All I’ll say is this: That Justin Bieber kid sure can run.
June 11, 2010 |
It has been very muggy and humid here in Pittsburgh as of late and I don’t know if you know this, but what humidity does to curly hair (Sally is SUCH a whiner about that), has got nothing on what humidity does to dinosaur skin.
Humidity + sweat + dinosaur skin + random drops of carcass blood * 50,000 = P.U.
I decided to do Norm a favor and go take my semi-annual bath a few weeks early when I encountered THIS:
What have they done to my spa bathtub at the Point?! It is completely dry!
This needs to be fixed immediately because believe you me, I can live with the smell, but as for you humans, I apologize for the scent of putridity and rotting flesh that is currently permeating downtown Pittsburgh.
On the bright side, now you know what Alex Ovechkin smells like.
June 2, 2010 |
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Without his knowledge, I’ve replaced Wrangler Norm’s normally boring, staid screensaver, this one:
With this supercalifragilisticfreakingamazing one:
Let’s see if he notices the difference.
I’ll let you know tomorrow exactly which body functions he loses control of.