
A chat with Norm
by Rex on December 31, 2009Me: [sigh]
Norm: Don’t sigh. You’ll blow the fridge over again. What’s wrong?
Me: The Steelers.
Norm: Yeah. Bummer.
Me: MORE than ‘bummer’. This is terrible. We might not even make the playoffs this year!
Norm: Stop shouting. You’ll blow the window out again. Look, it happens. Teams win championships and then fall apart.
Me: Well, we have to beat Miami or we really are done for.
Norm: Yep.
Me: We need better defense.
Norm: Yep.
Me: We need Troy Polamalu.
Norm: Yep.
Me: We need mojo.
Norm: Yep.
Me: I should eat a dolphin.
Norm: Yep — NO!
Me: But it worked with the Penguins! I won them the Stanley Cup! They were almost losers and I ate an octopus and just like that, WINNERS! I was a hero, a national hero! If I eat a dolphin and the Steelers win and somehow get to the playoffs, why, they’ll throw ME a parade!
Norm: You’re NOT EATING A DOLPHIN! There is a difference in the eyes of a human when it comes to eating a tentacled, suction-cupped ocean dweller versus a kind, loving, beautiful, life-saving ocean dweller.
Me: But –
Norm: No.
Me: But -
Norm: NO!
Me: Fine.
(Ten minutes later)
Me: Do you happen to know which bus goes to the Zoo?
That’s the last thing I remember.
So if the Steelers lose on Sunday, don’t blame me.
I tried.
Blame Norm.
Rawr.
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